Sundays

I went to 'the mother church' today.  I like it, the building, the people, mature people, it feels safe.  Sundays are somewhat hard days for me.  I used to love Sundays back home, church and then family/friends over for a Sunday Roast (ironically probably a hang over from medievel times) and hangouts all afternoon, reading the Sunday papers and generally overdosing on community.  We are part of a great church community here, seriously my life saver are the people I've become acquainted with these last 10 months.  I wish making friends was instant and not this thing that takes such a long time, forming social bonds, the social etiquette around it is necessary, normal but I hate waiting.  I like to jump right in with two feet.


People don't do Sunday Roasts in California.  More than likely they are watching sports, catching up on much needed rest or doing yard work (it is incessant here), or just hanging with their pals, I'm just a newbie.  All these are much healthier options than a stodgy roast dinner.  I just miss the trad. hangout, I'm sick of coffee dates (well that's not true), I'm just wanting to recreate community and family like I had in the UK and it's not happening, probably because my mom and sisters aren't here.  I'm OK about it, I just get to Sunday and remember that I'm going to be on my own all day, without a Sunday Roast, my bustling family, friends (who were always invited..even if they weren't 'invited') or open house at Dan and Erin's, where we would all guzzle coffee, jam out on acoustic guitars, play cards and generally tease one another or have long discussions about something very current.

Today I called my dad, who is also home alone.  We talked for an hour or so, he trying to convince me to move back to good old Britannia with me knowing that I won't, save a tragedy.  I am saving for my next trip to visit....just as he is saving for a trip to visit his homeland.  What you may not know reader is that I'm from a line of traveling nomads!  Not so much. My father is not a native of the Crown, but was born in the middle of jungle, next to a river infested with poisonous snakes, where monkeys hang from trees and scorpions are present in day to day life.  I've been there, it's wondrous. He's from an amazing country, full of vivid color, not tamed like Britain. 

http://www.keralatourism.org/destination/backwater/

We all live spread out like butter across the globe, each with different cultures, memories and traditions in our hearts.  We aren't rootless, but our roots span continents. Our memories are collected in road trips and train rides across Europe and Asia, plane rides to Africa and the South Pacific, with even a few made in North America.

Sundays for me have always been very English.  Maybe one of the things that makes us Brits is the Sunday Roast and gathering to ones family or friends homes.   This week I made our meager roast dinner on Saturday an hour before my husband left for work.  He'd only been awake for an hour and we had maybe 30 minutes to eat it together, but it was a meal made with love and celebrated together with love. 

I'm from a close family, by close I mean we hang out a lot, we always do Christmas together for a week with my parents, we celebrate each others birthdays (as much as possible) together.  I've been the odd one who moved abroad back in 2007 and never fully returned in spirit.  My brother then moved in 2011.  Our strong family unit has had there own exodus.  Whilst me and my brother have been overseas we have had several family tragedies.  My parents have not had us all around them as we have always been in the past and knowing that they are struggling on makes Sundays very hard for me.

My husbands family is so self-made it is a credit to their resilience and faith in the Lord.  They have created a wonderful family unit, two strong hard working sons and I'm blessed to be married into this small family.  There are cousins too, but this small family unit is really the main stay.  It's so different.  People never prepare you for that part of marriage...how suddenly you and your in-laws all have to just get along like close family.  It's crazy, it's amazing, it's really an amazing thing how two families come together, with their different family styles, it's a testimony to the Lord when its done well.  My family was girl heavy and my husbands boy heavy.  Even these things can dictate a lot of what happens in terms of traditions followed.  My in-laws are completely Californian, non-traditional, active outdoor folks, I really love them, we are different, but they are some of the best people I know. Thanksgiving isn't something we all meet up for, neither is Christmas or Easter.  They show such great love to their sons in different ways, they always try and celebrate their birthdays  with them which is really cool.  Now I'm friends with new mothers I think of it as  a celebration of survival for the mother as it is for the children!!
 
My family is all about traditions and generally being around each other a lot!  Gathering at the Patriarch/Matriarchs house for dinners, even going shopping together for furniture for my married sister?!  I guess that's what comes from having a house full of girls.  Think Kardashians without the crudity.

So my Sundays are different, but I'm realizing I have to make my own family traditions here if I am to stay.  Traditions with my new family and friends who want to partake.  Traditions with my husband and our own kids  hoping they will create a sense of community, brotherliness wherever they go or whatever they become.  Welcoming the stranger, even if it's not a church approved event.  Doing things organically, humanizing people not making them into projects.

I worry that my kids won't know their cousins, they live so far away in England and Australia.  Then I get excited about my family coming to visit and spend time with us here vacationing in California. The cousins having fun summer trips etc.. It's a wonderful vacation spot for the sun starved Brit!!  Living here opens up the world a crack for us to explore and travel and be those nomadic gypsies we are at heart.