What would the Bronte's do now?
'I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils.' - C. Bronte
This week has been a little difficult for me, growing up, learning a new culture and family. The last two nights we lit a fire and I read, then watched the recent BBC film made from the classic novel Jane Eyre. It's hard to explain when you miss what you know, when all around you has changed, what hearing an accent, seeing the colours and movement of a home sky can do. It was a peaceful night, but the fire, a reminder I was not at home, there is more 'life' to come. I don't know why this has felt like more of a torment than a joy, perhaps it's that 'longing for my heavenly home', or the reality of being a long and wearied traveller. Constantly at the mercies of those I meet, with of course my shield of faith, slightly dented with self doubt endless meaningless hours of solitude. Of course I miss people and places, but in the immediate there are small things I long for.
I made a mental list, as I stared up at the blackened ceiling, of the things I miss and the new things I am experiencing:
Fresh and cut flowers - a lack of English country flowers and the muted colours of the seasons. I am living in a sea of green, evergreen...red clay dirt and very few flowers that are less whispy than they are bold.
Walking to the town - nothing is walking distance from the home we are staying in. The world lies unexplored by my feet, the forest outside canopies the fearless wanderers, wild animals and semi-trucks. I imagine people watching from my desk enclosed in a small room.
Chocolate - It is no suprise to me that all the chocolate I have tasted here tastes horrible. Even the most carefully sort bar is lacking somewhat. I doubt this will be quick to reconcile. Perhaps my subconcious comfort food.
Cheap Quality Furniture - The price of furniture and delivery is incredulous. Unless we desire a half battered cat littered and haired iten still at 80% of a new item? It puzzles me why a seller would allow a cat of all things to ruin their furniture and it's potential to sell. Never thought I would 'miss' IKEA and it's proximity.
The Wind - To someone wrestling the cold this may seem bizzare, but living in a consistent warm temperate climate is new to me. I miss the hum and rusttle of the wind, the feeling of the breeze against my face and the enjoyment of wrapping up to walk outside. How I longed to be tramping with 'Jane' over the wind swept moore, crags and rocks jutting out of the damp heather and grass.
It must seem a strange, odd list of things I miss. The wildness of the coastal cold temperate climate and the day to day routines. I can hear myself sounding very sad and taking my cue from a friend there are things I am thankful for, again, it is a strange list:
Sushi- Tastes way better over here, like a massive difference! Just the grocery store stuff, I've not even tried the restaurants. One of our favourite dates in NZ was a sushi lunch.
Drying laundry outside - It's warm enough and consistantly sunny to hang clothes out to dry and leave them there, even overnight?!
Fireplace - So lovely, one of my favourite things is the fireplace over the winter. Warm and Cosy!
Sewing supplies - Sewing and fabric suppliers are plentiful, affordable and diverse.
iPhone - Having the ability to communicate on the go...and free international calls to my sis!
The sewing supplies thing is more impacting than it looks in that list. I love creating and this one thing is THE most positive thing in my life today. It gives a sense of joy and a sense of security, strange? Someting I know how to do I guess, in a world where every little things is new and sometimes obscure. Focus on my strengths..is sort of what I'm trying to do. So today I'll take out my instruments..sing some songs, then maybe sew up some fabrics and give this new life some practical meaning.
So what would the Bronte's do now, in my situation? Write a book? Imagine a new and vivid world? Create out of the vacuum? I wonder if they would have to include more animals in their stories? Or if they would imagine a world so different from the one they lived in?
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